28 Dec 2021 04:41 - 17 Jun 2023 08:29
Open in Logseq
    • OK fuck music what do I want to learn? All of it god damn it. I am afraid to do anything in a musical space, too much associated pain and failure. And I have that with other things, it's starting to be intellectually crippling.
    • free performance, composition, understanding the nature of time at an experiential level, mastering, being part of a musical community, letting it flow through me, oh that sounds so paradisical and lost to me, I am elevating it too much, as if it were gbg, which it kind of is, but you have to start with the fucking basics. I could just simply try to learn an instrument, or take lessons, or something. But no, everything has to be my own way, which sometimes pays off but in this case...not so sure. Ah well. I will do what I do. My stupid efforts at generative art...somehow didn't work because I still need to have an interesting and evaluable end product. I guess. Publishing a parameterized thing and telling people to mess with the sliders somehow doesn't work. I suppose it could. Especially if the sliders were something like mouse position, which people are already wired into. why not. revive my old thing rather than starting yet a new thing, so many things, so many abortive attempts that never really knew where they were going...but that makes them rather human doesn't it? Ah well, to think of those lucky souls who knew their own destiny and followed it...opposite of me really. I suppose everybody has a destiny whether they know it or not. No, everyone has a fate, a destiny is a fate that is somehow known and accepted (amor fati) oh god if this is mine how the fuck can I accept it, it sucks so damn hard, and nothing I do can fix it... so, make some pretty patterns, it uses up the time if nothing else. Hm 30 seconds left and I have said my stupid and boring piece. Need Moar Weed. Music will come if and when and how it must.
    • Start with downloading Sonic Pi
      • Second thought, it is really annoyingly not showing me visually what code goes with what sound. If that's too hard, it should at least let you click to turn parts on and off, then you could get a feel for them...very very bad UI, I know everybody loves this tool but Come On! Also, it isn't that live, changing a parameter doesn't change the sound instantly, you need to stop and restart.
      • I'm not overly impressed with it as an environment although it has a good library of stuff.
    • Sudnow / piano
      • Have his handouts in Zotero, but I also have disks somewhere don't I?
      • Hah found them after quite a search.
    • Motivations
      • I sneer at them